A few weeks ago, I was in the process of re-organizing one of my kitchen cabinets for the umpteenth time when I heard the 4-yo "chanting" something. Now, I'd heard him "chanting" this rant before and while I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, it sounded vaguely familiar and I wasn't real pleased with the tone of the "chant".
I looked up from my thankless task as he walked past me and told him, "I thought I told you I don't like you saying that."
He shrugged his shoulders and exclaimed, "BUT MOMMY! When I was at Tom's* house, we were saying it and Tom's mom said not to say it anymore but we TOLD her that we weren't saying 'butts', we were JUST saying 'buttons'!!"
Suddenly, after weeks of hearing this mysterious "chant", a light bulb went off in my fuzzy head. My chin dropped in horror as I realized that my 4-yo son was not chanting. He was actually rapping. Baby Got Back. Actually just one line from the song. "I like big butts and I cannot lie". Over and over and over again. Speechless, I slowly stood up, steadying myself against the counter as I realized he had been saying this at his friend's house! His mom would think I let my son listen to Sir-Mix-A-Lot and sing about big butts. OMG.
"Please, PUH-LEASE, do not EVER let me hear you say that again, do ya hear me?" I frantically asked my 4-yo.
"Okie-dokie, mommy, but really, we are JUST saying buttONS".
I quickly told him that I did not care if he liked big buttons and he could not lie, it did not sound nice and I did NOT want to hear it again.
He nodded with big eyes and proceeded to tell me who HE had heard it from. I hugged him and told him it was fine, it was all fine, just most definitely, not to say it again. When I was satisfied that I wasn't raising a thug, I told him to go play. I eyed him as he skipped off to the backyard.
Faster than you can say "little in the middle but she got much back", I was on the phone, calling Tom's mom.
As soon as she answered, I explained what had happened and the fact that this had been sung at HER house while my child was there and I assured her that this did NOT originate from MY child. She laughed, telling me that Tom had been caught singing this the day before the playdate and he said that he heard it from my child. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and my face reddened from embarrassment. Who else in town thought my 4-yo was rapping about women's buttocks'??? She said that she had debated calling me but was SURE it didn't come from him. I apologized profusely, promising that it didn't and she sweetly reassured me that she absolutely believed me. I was thankful it was a friend of mine and not a new playmate, who may actually think that we were rapping along to bad 90's tune with our children.
Which brings me to this question. How exactly do you explain to a 4-yo not to say "I liiiiiike big butt-ONS and I cannot lie"? He definitely didn't understand why it was wrong. I tried to tell him that it was from a song that was not the nicest song and we just didn't sing that. I tried to keep it simple. I certainly wasn't ready to get into the real lyrics and why they weren't nice. I feel like we'd just be opening a can of worms, especially with my very inquisitive 4-yo....for questions like...whose butts were big, why were they big, was it good or bad for them to be big, why do we like them big? And the unthinkable, innocent, observant questions...Is HER butt big? Do we like it?
I can definitely say when I was singing this song myself back in the 7th or 8th grade, I never expected to be faced with this particular situation. Another parenting curve ball. Not sure if I handled it perfectly, but at least for now, he's heeded my advice and is no longer rapping. Phew.
*Tom is not really a Tom. I changed the name to protect the innocent.
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