Diapers Away!

Do you remember the joy that you felt the first time you got to place the little check mark in the "elimination" columns of your "newborn tracking sheet"?  I sure do.  With each child, I got equally excited.  And with each child, I thought to myself, I canNOT believe I am getting so excited over pee and poop. 

And if someone told me I'd be just as excited when they did their business on the toilet, I probably wouldn't have believed them.

Potty training is another milestone that pays serious dividends but is certainly NOT the most glamorous process.  It could even be said that potty training is not for the faint of heart.  But, eventually, you have to do it.  With my first born, I had serious dread leading up to the actual event.  I was more intimidated by potty training than I was to take the CPA exam.

I've now had the pleasure of going through the process 4 times.  No, I have not potty-trained the 4-month old.  I'm not THAT crazy.  The 2-year-old went through the process twice.  Once, when I was 8-months pregnant and the 2-year-old was not yet a 2-year-old (okay, I guess I AM that crazy).  I used all my old tricks, but by the end of the day, one very ticked-off 22-month-old had the last laugh and taught me my latest lesson in potty training.  Let's just say that I did not think through the effect that lots of juice boxes may have on a tiny tummy.  We ended the day with a bath for the 2-year-old and a very tired mama.

I decided in October that Thanksgiving weekend looked like a good time to try again with the 2-year-old.  While others were loading their carts with turkeys and cranberry sauce, I was stocking up on skittles and a Lightning McQueen toilet.

So, after all of my experience in "controlled waste elimination", here's what I would tell myself back in 2007, trying to potty train my first baby.

• All of the books tell you to wait until your child is "interested" in the potty.  Being "interested" and being "ready" are two very different things.  When the boys don't act interested, try it anyway.  You'll know once you try if they are ready or not.  It is VERY obvious.  If you wait until they are "interested", you may just be sending them to college in depends.
• Bribe, bribe, bribe, bribe, bribe.  Skittles, smarties, m & m's, jelly beans.  1 for 1 and 2 for 2.  You get my drift.
• Pull-ups are a scam thought up by super smart diaper people.  You'll try them once.  But you'll then realize that they are very expensive, very absorbent and your child doesn't even flinch when they are wet. Instead, buy cheap underwear and chuck the disgusting accidents into the trash.  They'll learn quicker that way.
• Use water to keep the liquids flowing, not juice.
• For the first 48 hours, put them on the pot every 30 minutes or so.  Higher volume of sits yields higher probability of actual results.  After a couple of successes,the light bulb will go off.
• Say "do you need to use the potty?" about 500 times a day for a couple of weeks.
• Commit.  The most important rule.  When they have an accident, smile, say it's okay and reassure them that they'll get it next time.  Accidents WILL happen and I'm not going to sugar coat this one - they WILL be gross.  It is easy to want to throw in the towel.  You'll be tempted many, many times.  BUT, if you do, you'll just erase all the hard work you've been doing.
• Be ready to hunker down at home for a while.  Think snow day provisions.
• Get them used to the "big potty" as soon as possible - this will make outings a lot easier.  A food court dinner at Short Pump Town Center with the first born will teach you this lesson very quickly.

3 down, 1 to go.  And one very HAPPY mom.